Online Dating Advice For the Everyday Goddess Seeking Her Warrior Part 2
You weeded through all these messages from men and have actually found one that you really like. Now what? Well, unfortunately the weeding out process is far from over, no matter how much you feel like you “click” with someone. This is really where the “thick skin” comes in and where you really need to be an empowered Goddess.
Before proceeding you can read Part 1 here
Let’s talk about sex baby. Okay, here is where some may greatly disagree with what I have to say. In the getting to know you process, I believe knowing each others sexual styles is critical before you even meet. Let’s play out a scenario. You’ve been talking to John, and he’s amazing and he also adores you. You meet in person and click right away. You start dating each other and start a sexual relationship, which brings you even closer. Now, that you’re more comfortable with each other you learn that John loves sex more than you. He needs it on a regular basis, but you only like it once in a while, especially once in the ebb and flow of a relationship. Further, you learn that John has fetishes like he needs you to wear stocking to get hard or he’s into BDSM and you’re not. Now, you’ve invested 3 months or maybe even more to learn this and you’re heart broken. Wouldn’t it have been better to find this out in the beginning and save yourself the heartache? This doesn’t mean you have to sext, it just means talking about your needs and seeing if they align. I will tell you this, no matter how much you are in love or in like, not being sexually compatible will eventually destroy your relationship.
So now that you’ve been talking for sometime and getting to know each other, the next natural step is to meet each other in person and see if you click. If, within the first two weeks of your first conversation, the guy you are chatting with hasn’t asked you to meet in person, then something is not right. This usually is a sign that he either is already in a relationship or he’s a virtual player. The obvious exception to the rule is if you live far away from each other and the logistics of getting together are a bit tricky. However, there is no reason a man within your city limits can’t even meet you for coffee.
If his first idea of a meeting is at your place, shields up - red alert. I don’t care how wonderful he has been in texts or on the phone. He wants to come and meet you at home either because it’s the easiest way to hook up, he's in a relationship and doesn’t want to be seen in public with you, it's a cheap date or he has something sinister planned. Goddesses, lets be real for a moment. You don’t know this dude from Adam. You have no idea who he is in the real world. Inviting him to your place puts yourself at personal risk. Meet him in a neutral public area first and get to know him. If he has a problem with this, then run -don’t walk - away. This is where your personal empowerment comes in. No matter what stage of the dating game you’re in, never hesitate to walk away when a situation no longer suits you. That is empowerment, knowing your worth and limits. I’ve walked away from two long term relationships- one with a baby. I valued my self-worth more than staying in a relationship that was to put it mildly - toxic. Now, no matter how attracted i am to a man or how connected i feel, I will walk away the moment i feel like it doesn’t serve my higher good. It is better be happy and alone, than miserable and with someone. Never be afraid to walk away.
So lets say you went on that date and you connected and you had an amazing time. Now, please don’t go home and delete your online dating profile. Yes, you may have clicked and had a great time and he may have said he wants to see you again. Many times you will go on lots of first dates and even chat for a bit afterwards and then never see him again. The reasons why could be an article of it’s own. This is where I said don’t get attached to expectations. Just go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Also, never assume that you’re the only person he’s dating. I don’t care how long you’ve been seeing each other. It could be a year, but until you have discussed exclusivity ,always assume he’s dating at least two other women. I’m not saying he is. Remember in Part I, I said that you can even date casually and be exclusive. He might very well not be dating/sleeping with anyone else but you and is not ready to make use of the term “exclusive”. He may also be dating other women. There is always that possibility. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by thinking you're exclusive, especially early on in dating.
There is one other point I’d like to share. If this amazing guy you’ve started to date only sees you during the week and never on the weekend, view this as a big warning sign. The exception here is only if he has a job that he works through the whole weekend like a truck driver. However, even if he works on weekends, it's doubtful that he’s working all weekend, every weekend. Weekends are primetime. If a man doesn’t ever make plans to see you on Friday or Saturday evening, that either means he’s not single, or he’s leaving those options open for someone else. Men know these are prime dates, and if he’s really into you, he will secure one of these evenings with you a few days in advance to make sure no one else snatches you up. If he asks you to see him last minute on a Saturday, that usually means you were his backup plan. A man who is truly interested in you will always make you a priority and not an option. It doesn’t matter how busy and crazy work is for him, he will make it work some how. It may not be every weekend but he’ll make the effort even if it’s every other weekend, etc.
As for communication, a warrior who is ready for you to be in his life will not let communication slide. I have clients with men who’s jobs are so chaotic that its a wonder they have time to breathe. Yet they always make time for that 15 second text to say “Have a great day”. Yes, sometimes life gets crazy and one may get distracted. Don’t freak out if you’re not hearing from him as often as you would like. You don’t know what is going on at his end of the line. If you text him and it takes him all day to reply, it’s okay. Now if it’s been a week, well, it’s safe to say you’re an option. I will also say that early on in courtship this can be very normal. He’s still figuring things out. He’s either not there yet or just never will be.
Goddesses, I will tell you this, you can’t put men into cookie cutter moulds, I know there are many one size fits all dating books out there. Yes, certain behaviours can apply to many, but not to all. Some men are scared of commitments but still want to be with one women without the scary things that their past experiences have programmed them to believe is a relationship. It’s also not your job to fix this for him. An empowered Goddess will naturally show him, without pressure , that not all relationships are cookie cutters either. After all, Goddess and Warriors break the mould of stereotyped relationships. This is where you need to decide for yourself if you are going to ride it out and see what happens with no expectations, or find another warrior who’s further up the commitment ladder. I will tell you this without a doubt, when a man has decided that he wants to be with you, nothing will stop him. It doesn’t matter if he’s a player, a commitment phobe or a regular guy. Once he’s found his Goddess, his equal, the woman that not only challenges him, but also accepts him as is, he will stop at nothing to win her attention. He will not want to risk losing her to another man.
If he’s not doing this, it's either he’s not there yet or he just never will be. Without knowing the details of your personal relationship, i can’t tell you which he is. If you’d like to learn more about which stage he’s in or other online dating advice, contact me for a private coaching session.
Online dating can be an exercise in frustration, but it can also be an extremely rewarding experience, especially if you meet that special warrior. Remember, if it doesn’t feel right, go with it and move on quickly. Always trust your instincts.
Angelic Guidance: Archangel Jophiel is very good at helping you make decisions. If you are unsure of a potential partner or you need help deciding who is the best match for you between several lovers, he can help. Ask him for his divine guidance in helping you make the best choice possible for you. One way you can do this is asking for signs.
Affirmation: I am love, I attract the perfect love into my life.
© Aria Moonstone, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Aria Moonstone appropriate and specific direction to the original content.